Adopted people
Adopted people may want to find out about their biological history and background. Sometimes they express concern at "not knowing" or "not feeling whole". Some say that receiving distressing information about their biological history and background is better than having no information at all. They often want information about matters including their ethnicity and family origins, medical conditions and the reasons for their adoption. Some adopted people never feel the need to seek out this information.
People often become interested in their adoption information at the following stages:
- Late adolescence - adolescents have strong feelings about their identity and place in the world.
- Marriage - a new beginning in a person's life may create thoughts about an unknown earlier life.
- Pregnancy - concern about unknown medical conditions and the arrival of a new baby could trigger interest in a adopted person's biological history.
- Death of adoptive parent(s) - grief may trigger feelings of abandonment or loss linked to an adoption.
- Middle age - concern that birth parent(s) may not have long to live.
Birth mothers
A child born outside of marriage or into single parenthood was once considered socially unacceptable. Economic hardship and lack of support services made single mothering a very difficult choice. Many women wanted to keep their children but were pressured by a society that believed children should be raised by two parents who were married. Keeping a baby as a single mother was seen by some to be selfish, especially as there were many infertile married couples seeking to adopt. Adoption was therefore seen as a convenient solution.
Birth mothers were commonly told they would not suffer loss once their child was adopted. However, many women found it difficult to ignore the fact that they had given birth to a child or to live without any knowledge of their child's welfare. Research shows mothers do not forget their child and will continue to think about a relinquished child throughout their lives. Many birth mothers feel grief and a strong desire to know their relinquished child. Anxiety and fear often deter birth mothers from searching for their child and some may believe the child will reject them, fail to understand their reasons for relinquishing them or be angry about being adopted. They also do not want to disturb or hurt the adoptive parents.
Birth fathers
In the past many birth fathers were left out of the adoption process and were not recorded on birth certificates or named in the adoption records. Birth fathers can apply for access to their child’s adoption information even though they are not formally named in the records provided they can prove their claim to be the father of a certain child.
Those who knew that they fathered a child who was adopted, have feelings and concerns very similar to those of birth mothers. The number of birth fathers wanting to access their child's adoption information has increased in recent years.
Adoptive parents
Many adoptive parents feel strongly connected to their child's birth parents even though they may have never met. They feel that they would like to make contact and share information about the child. This is sometimes very important when a child has died and the adoptive parents want to inform the birth parents.
Some adoptive parents may have fears and insecurities about their adopted child looking for information about his or her birth family. This is especially so for parents who adopted children in the "secrecy" period of adoption. Adoptive parents may worry they are going to lose their child or may worry about how their child will cope with information about their adoption. They sometimes feel like the neglected party in the adoption process, as they never expected that their child would ever have access to this information because that was what they were told at the time of the adoption.
Research and information
The internet is a rich source of information about adoption and plenty of information can be found that has been written by the different parties to adoption.
See also: